How many times have we all wanted to see “the game” on TV and when we tune in the sports channel we are left in awe at the ridiculous program they are transmitting because it ain’t even a sport.  I mean, come on seriously.  The whoring of sports lies heavily on the corporate sponsorships and media venues that support this vicious cycle.  Usually we are not disturbed when we are talking about major sports such as: Football, Basketball, Baseball, Tennis, etc., being sponsored and broadcasted, but it gets to a point that it’s just ridiculous. I am referring to when you see some of  these so called “sports events” with huge sponsors and somehow make it to TV on channels that label themselves as “The Worldwide Leader In Sports”. So, in honor of ESPN  killing the fabric of sports by the specious use of this word, here are the top 10 broadcasts  that we all know since kids are just  games.

10- Golf

We don’t care what you think, but Golf is not a sport.  Not only because this sort of rhymes, but also because when you think about it its not.  You swing at a ball which is basically the only physical activity involved and you drive a mini car to where it is, oh and you have a caddie carrying everything for you.  I have seen players walk towards the spot where their shot was at, but this doesn’t count either.  Unless Golf becomes competitive, by constricting time and forcing the players to run from hole to hole while carrying their stuff instead of driving around, it will not be a sport.

9- Ping Pong

Did we think we were athletes as kids, by playing ping pong?  Did we go to school or wherever and gloated amongst our friends how good we were at this sport or had a sports jacket for it? Or were we considered awesome by the coach or the ladies for having ninja skills with a ping pong paddle?  The answer is NO!

8- Curling

Having played Curling in the middle of nowhere, also known as Minnesota, I had a good time, but it’s not a sport.  I can’t believe it is an Olympic event when all you do is throw a stone that glides through ice, while the other members of your team are using a broom to sweep the ice in front of the stone to reduce friction.  Although this activity can improve your skills at cleaning floors efficiently (which is why I will marry a Canadian or Finnish woman),  it obviously does not fall under the category of sports.

7- Billiards

This game certainly requires geometric skills, and the people we have seen on tv playing billiards are very talented indeed.  But let’s leave that for the bars and not for TV.  If you can play a game at a Bar for a dollar it ain’t a sport.

6- Bowling

Since I was a kid, I loved bowling. Now, when I see people on TV having a perfect game I am impressed.  I am not impressed however, by the fact that the athleticism of this sport lies on the beer belly of whoever is having that perfect game.

5- Fishing

Just have a bait, a hook, a string and a stick.  Then go on a boat and try to catch something.   Congratulations I just saw you for 4 hours on ESPN doing all these complicated things.  Give me a break!

4- Poker or any other cards game

I don’t need to watch a couple of douchebags sitting around a table wearing sunglasses and staring at cards for hours and listening to the commentators say how much skills those individuals have.  It’s a freaking cards game.

3- NASCAR

Great, if you watch this on TV you are a real moron.  You are basically celebrating people that drive around a circle for hours. PERIOD!!

2- Spelling Bee

This would only be a sport if they had the nerdy spelling bee champion with glasses fight a tall school bully from his/her classroom.

1-     Watching ESPN

Listening to these “experts” or “analysts” talk about the obvious, like how one team needs to score more than the other to win the game, is depressing. With all seriousness I think these people should be at the jobless line getting government coupons, not on TV.

Watching ESPN air all these games under the name of sport is an abomination.  In the coming years ESPN will bring you the following sports to your tv:  hide and seek, playing with a stick, who blinks the fastest, who eats the fastest (which has already happened by the way), who claps the loudest, extreme hopscotch, among others.